


What You Have Is Never Enough

by bitsori



Series: Always, More [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Developing Relationship, Feelings Realization, Light Angst, Love Triangles, M/M, Male Friendship, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-11 18:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15977558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori/pseuds/bitsori
Summary: Felix is an exchange student, and Hyunjin is the boy next door. Changbin is just living his life.--or: The one in which Changbin has a hard time reading Felix, Hyunjin’s life is hard, and adolescent feelings get in the way; HS AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to write birthday fic for jisung, but this happened instead. i played with the hyungline ages a bit by throwing minho into the same year as chan and woojin, but that’s it. also, i hope the changing povs aren’t very confusing and i'm very bad at re-reading things that i just finished writing, i always end up glossing over otherwise glaring mistakes, so advanced apologies if you spot anything. finally, chapter one has a lot of changbin and felix mostly, but i swear hyunjin becomes more prominent in the later parts. i could also probably be less vague with the summary but i'm really, truly bad at those. all that said, enjoy!

 

 

 

“Do you see him?”

Changbin sighs because this is the umpteenth time his mother is asking this question. He doesn’t  even want to grace her with an answer anymore, but he’s not a brat, and his parents have raised him to be polite. “I don’t even know what he looks like,” he explains, before tapping the signboard he’s holding which said ‘LEE YONGBOK.’ “He should be able to spot us with this, so stop worrying, mom,” he adds, before patting his mother on the back.

Sometimes Changbin admits to himself that his mother has turned into one of those typical bored housewives - not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just that with her older sister off to university, it’s made her so much more nosy about _him,_ even making more attempts to be involved in his life.

It’s a little annoying quite frankly, he’s been raised right so for the most part he shuts up and he lets his mother do her thing - even if it meant going along with a lot of her whims that Changbin wouldn’t have had the time for otherwise.

“Empty nest syndrome,” his friend, Jisung, had told him with an air of dignified expertise that Changbin is pretty sure he’s just pulling out of his ass.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” he’d returned, laughing because Jisung sounded like he’d read through one too many Wikipedia pages again the night before. “Noona might never be home these days, but her ‘nest’ isn’t even empty. I’m right here.”

And then Jisung had grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at him in an incredibly annoying manner that there was a brief moment where Changbin entertained the thought of plucking his friend’s eyebrow hairs one by one until he had none.

The truth is that Changbin thinks that he would have enjoyed the fuss and attention more a few years ago, _maybe_ , but now that he’s halfway done through high school it gets to be a bit too much at times. He has his friends to keep him busy (even if they were a colorful lot, he grew up with them and each of them means a lot to him), and his band (he sings - or more like _screams_ lead vocal, and he _swears_ up and down that screamo will one day rise again, even if Jisung, as his guitarist would really rather they try and branch out to different genres; Minho, who Jisung has somehow convinced to actually pick the bass and _learn_ it, only ever just agrees with what his fellow pint-sized friends says), and of course his art (even though he only ever allows  very few people to have a look at his secret collection of graphic novels, it means too much to him) - and he had always figured that if he kept his grades up (and they certainly were - he was top ten percentile in his entire year) that his parents will leave him alone to do his own thing.

But now he thinks his mom is going to want him to take this new kid under his wing and, well, he’s honestly a little uncertain about the situation.

“Dear, I think that’s him.” His mother points at a baby faced young man who was walking towards the waiting airport crowd. He’s looking lost and bewildered as he nervously eyes his surroundings, and Changbin thinks her mom is very likely right about the kid’s identity.

He waves his sign board around, even jumping up and down some so he can catch the boy’s attention. When his eyes land on Changbin and his sign, finally, his eyes grow twice in size before a look of relief passes over his expression. His face lights up and he rushes towards their direction, only to slow down and shyly wave once he’s only a couple of meters away from Changbin and his mother.

“Lee Yongbok?” Changbin asks, to be sure.

The boy nods before pausing, and then hesitantly correcting him. “But I prefer Felix. That's what everyone calls me back home.”

Now that they’re standing face to face, Changbin is able to study him more closely. He’s a couple of centimeters taller despite being a year younger (although by now Changbin’s quite used to everyone towering over him - he even likes to joke that this is why he chose to become such good friends with Jisung, because he needed someone to be eye level with); his face is small and youthful, and there’s a smattering of freckles running across the bridge of his nose that kind of fascinate him.

“Felix,” Changbin attempts to repeat the name, but it sounds funny coming from him. His F is blunt, sounding more like a P, and the L sounds like a rolled R. “ _Pfilr-liks_.” He laughs, embarrassed at his pronunciation, but Felix beams at him anyway.

  


 

— # —

  


 

The house is spacious and bright, and Felix feels small as he’s led inside by his generous exchange hosts. The mother is a bit of a busybody, and had been constantly asking him variations of the same question during the ride from the airport - “How was the flight, dear?” “Did you get enough sleep during the way here?” “Did they serve you food on the plane?”

“Mom, give the kid a break,” The son - Changbin, Felix reminds himself - had interjected at one point, even giving him a _don’t worry I got you_ kind of smile for which he had been grateful for, even though he hadn’t mind the questioning so much. He had been so nervous during the entire flight to South Korea, wondering how his host family would be, and if they would even like him, that despite feeling so tired, he naturally interprets the mother’s fussiness as warm concern.

He’s quiet as he’s shown inside, suitcases in tow. The area is bright and spacious - the kitchen countertops are made of marble, and a big, fancy chandelier hangs in the middle of their living room. No wonder the family was willing to host an exchange student - they obviously have more than enough space to accommodate him.

Changbin gestures for him to follow, and Felix scurries after him into a small, but cosy looking room. “This is you,” Changbin tells him as he wheels Felix’s second suitcase inside. “If you need any help unpacking…” And then he shrugs, as if that should be enough to let Felix know that he only has to ask for help. Changbin continues to move around, droning on in a mangled combination of English and Korean about where Felix can put his clothes, and how he only needs to ask if he needs new linens and—

He must have noticed that Felix is just staring at him with a dazed expression because he cuts himself short. “ _Sorry,_ ” he apologizes in English, and Felix appreciates the attempt

“ _It’s cool, man_ ,” he says immediately in English, only to cringe. His father had drilled into him that he should be more mindful of how he speaks once he’s in Seoul. “Hyung, I mean,” he follows up. His Korean sounds weird even to his own ears. “I can understand if you talk in Korean,” he explains. “I need to work on my Korean anyway.”

He finds it cute, the way Changbin’s shoulders sag with relief - he hadn’t even realised that he wasn’t the only nervous one. The gesture makes him feel more relaxed, and his smile doubles in size now that it’s more genuine.

“Okay, good—” Changbin is laughing, and isn’t waiting for any invitation from Felix (not that he needs any, since this is _his_ house) before he’s sitting down on the edge of the twin bed that Felix supposes it’s alright to start calling his own. “I can read and write it fine, but speaking English always makes me feel like I have an incoming nose bleed.”

“It’s the opposite for me,” Felix admits. “Speaking is easier—” And then he ducks his head because the way even those words rolled off his tongue probably sounds funny to Changbin, but all the older boy does is look at him with an amused expression. He doesn’t laugh, which Felix appreciates.

“Well I’m sure you’ll get better while you’re here,” Changbin assures him, clapping his shoulder in a way that Felix finds himself appreciating. “And if there’s anything you need — I mean it, you just have to ask me.”

He nods, still feeling shy still feeling shy, but also very relieved that Changbin is looking more and more like a good guy - someone Felix can be genuine friends with. He can only hope that the older boy sees him in the same vein. At this thought, he wills his smile to grow; his mother always told him that if he wanted to get closer to people then he has to look welcoming of them.

  


 

Later that night, he lies awake in bed, too many thoughts running through his mind — mostly regarding the events of that day. Most of his clothes have been unpacked, and folded into the drawers the Seo family has kindly provided for him. He still had some extra things - books, and other various knickknacks - left to be organized, but thanks to Changbin’s help he’s feeling quite accomplished.

But between replaying the day and generally just feeling off about sleeping on a new bed, he’s having a hard time falling asleep. He thinks about messaging his younger sister, but it’s late in Korea, which means it’s even later back home so he settles for checking his sisters’ Facebook profiles instead so he can check if anything’s happened to them, never mind that they’ve barely been apart for twenty-four hours.

It’s strange - it’s not like this is his first time away from home. A few years back he'd gone to sleepaway camp two summers in a row; and just the year before he'd gone with his team to a regional swim meet and that had been three days and two nights away. He wonders if it's the fact that he's actually an ocean away from home now - or maybe it's that his mother hadn't been all that keen about his decision to study abroad.

Right until the end, even after she had already deposited most of the fees needed - which they'd only eventually given in to doing thanks to his grandmother who had argued on his behalf, that this would be a special experience, and a chance for Felix to get to know the country where his parents had grown up - she had still kept trying to convince him not to go.

Of course it wasn't an easy decision; after his father's accident almost two years ago now he'd remained the only man in the household. Never mind that he’s only sixteen - fourteen at the time - and that his mother still gave his older responsibility, he knew there was something about having him around that kept his mother at ease. Not to mention there was Olivia, his younger sister, who was - _is_ \- so attached to him; it was harder leaving her more than anything else, really.

But the moment the exchange program had been brought up at school, it had piqued his interest. He'd felt it calling to him, like he _needed_ to do it if he wanted to find himself. He loves his family, he really does but it was as if he didn’t even realise that he needed the space to breathe until the opportunity to temporarily escape had presented itself.

In the end, he decides on leaving his sister a quick message before making an attempt at sleep. _Been a busy day, but I got here safe. The family's nice - tell everyone hi, and tell mum I love her. Love you._

  


 

— # —

  


 

“This is Felix, he’s gonna be in the same year as — wait, actually, I think—” Hyunjin watches as Changbin gestures at the new boy to show him a piece of paper that he assumes is where Felix’s enrollment information are detailed. “Right,” Changbin continues. “He’s going to be in the same class as you, Hyunjin-ah, so please take care of him.”

Hyunjin smiles when Felix does; he feels a little wary but that’s just his default when meeting new people in general. The first time Changbin’s mother had announced that she had volunteered their family to host an exchange student, Hyunjin had actually been there. He was sleeping over for the night, like he’s done countless times before. It didn’t feel like anything new, except for the part where Changbin’s mother had mentioned the plan over dinner.

He had kept quiet because he didn’t feel like it was his place to make comments since it wasn’t his family - never mind that he freely slept over at least once a week. But Changbin’s mom had been more than enough excited for everyone at that dinner table anyway.

Changbin, once he and Hyunjin were alone in his room had been more hesitant about the idea. “Not really sure how it’d feel having some other kid around the house - noona was one thing, she’s always been around, but someone my age? Kind of weird.”

Hyunjin had shrugged it off, and told him not to worry about it, and then he himself hadn’t thought much about it until Changbin texted him over the weekend to tell him that he had to cancel their tutoring session in favor of picking the new kid up at the airport, and then helping him settle. Something in his stomach had turned at the cancellation, but he figured that was normal - Hyunjin’s grades weren’t exactly stellar and he relied a lot on Changbin to help him out, especially with his Algebra. To the older boy’s credit, he _did_ invite Hyunjin, but he’d felt so silly for being so clingy that he convinced himself it was just a pity invite on Changbin’s part. “That’s ridiculous,” his best friend, Seungmin, had told him - but it was too late; besides, he really did have to work on his Math homework over the weekend.

Now, though, here he is, face to face with the boy sharing a roof with Changbin.

“Hi.” Felix’s voice is surprisingly low - a stark contrast to how youthful his features are, and Hyunjin is unable to hide his obvious surprise.

Felix ducks his head, like he’s embarrassed. “Oi,” Changbin elbows Hyunjin, his eyes reprimanding him like he’s done something wrong. “Don’t laugh at the kid.”

“Huh?” Hyunjin blinks and glances at Felix. “I wasn’t!” He cries out, immediately defensive because he didn’t want to appear rude or unwelcoming, especially with Changbin watching. But then the older boy is laughing, and Hyunjin’s able to relax. “Welcome,” he says, this time with a more friendly smile as he turns to Felix.

  


 

“So what do you think of him?” Seungmin asks as he sits down next to Hyunjin.

“Who?” For some reason, Hyunjin feels like he has to pretend that he doesn’t know what the other boy is talking about. Never mind that he’s been staring at Felix from his seat at the back of the room for at least five minutes now. The Australian has been quiet, his notebook opened in front of him and Hyunjin assumes that he’s been poring through his own notes from that day’s morning classes. At least that’s what it looks to him.

Seungmin gives him a weird look because of course he sees through Hyunjin’s unnecessary charade. The two of them have been best friends since they were in diapers and Seungmin has always been to read him easily.

“The new kid?” Hyunjin clarifies, choosing to ignore how see-through his acting is to his best friend. “He.. I guess he’s okay.” And he means it, really. He likes Felix, or what he knows of Felix so far, anyway. Which isn’t really much, but Hyunjin has no reason to dislike him - at least aside from the weird churning in his gut that he’d felt after he saw him for the first time that morning, standing outside his house gate with Changbin, waiting for him. He learns to ignore it though, like with most things that bother Hyunjin. “We should ask him to eat lunch with us,” he offers, which he should have done to begin with, maybe ten minutes ago when the lunch bell had rang, but instead he’d remained in his seat, unmoving and quietly observing Felix from behind.

“Stop being creepy,” Seungmin tells him with a sigh. “But it looks like Jisung’s beat you to it anyway.” He gestures at their other friend who has paused by Felix’s seat, hands uselessly gesturing wildly even though Hyunjin knows he’s likely to only really be asking the new kid to eat lunch with them. And then, as if Jisung felt that eyes were on him, he turns to face their direction.

“I’m starving!” Jisung bellows, both arms exaggeratedly beckoning at them. Beside Hyunjin, Seungmin laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Come on,” his best friend says, already getting up from his seat. “You know how annoying Jisung gets when he’s hungry.”

  


 

— # —

  


 

Felix, despite initially appearing shy and quiet, appears to have integrated just fine among Changbin’s group of friends, for which Changbin is glad and thankful for. It eases the burden of taking care of Felix that he'd originally placed on himself because it's looking more and more like the younger boy can take care of himself just fine; more than that, Changbin thinks he actually genuinely likes him. He's polite and sweet - he knows how to sweet talk Changbin's mother for sure - but it's not just that. He thinks Felix emanates some kind of warmth and naivete that is so refreshing to him.

“He seems sweet.” Minho comments one afternoon, when Felix is mentioned while they're setting up for band practice in Jisung’s family's garage. Changbin thinks, if even Minho thinks so, then it must be so because no one ever gets straight up compliments like that from him - even _Jisung_ only ever gets roundabout affection from Minho, at least when Changbin - or anyone else, he figures - is around.

“Like sugar~!” Jisung interrupts in a sing-song manner, causing Minho to throw a crumpled piece of discarded music sheet at him, which Jisung miraculously catches. “Hey, hyung—” he turns to Changbin after just dropping the crumpled paper on the floor. “What do you think are the odds the Felix plays drums?”

Minho, who was about to throw another piece of paper at Jisung let’s his hand drop to his side again and instead turns to Changbin for an answer. Chan, who had been their drummer for the last two years, from the band’s conception back when they were still in middle school - and who had been the one to come up with their name, from 3RACHA (“Because we’re hot like Tabasco!” “Uhh, I’m pretty sure those are two different things, hyung,” Changbin had countered, uncertain. “Whatever, it works!” Chan insisted anyway.) to 4RACHA once Minho had been dragged into the group (“That makes even less sense, hyung.” “Sssh, it still works!”) - was in his last year of high school now, and had declared that he needed to focus more on his academics, especially with university entrance exams coming up.

Minho has been whining about how he’s supposed to be preparing for his university exams too, but it’s not like Jisung is going to let _him_ quit so easily. Besides, even Changbin knows Minho well enough to understand that despite always claiming that he had been roped into joining this band against his so-called better judgment, Minho had worked hard on learning his instrument and there was no way he was going to give it up so easily now that he was getting good at it.

“Guys, please,” Changbin snorts. “Like a drummer is just going to fall into our laps that easily the moment we need one?”

Minho shrugs, “No harm in asking the kid.”

“But wait!” Jisung’s voice is extra shrill as he cuts off the discussion between the two older boys. “Chan-hyung said he’ll continue to stand in for performances anyway, so that’s the least of our worries! Right now we have to work in reinventing our music.” He gives Changbin A Look that’s all too familiar by now. “Screamo is NOT coming back, hyung. We need to get with the times.”

Minho just shrugs which is what Changbin expected from him. “Fine,” Changbin sighs, acting like he’s doing Jisung a big favor by caving in to the latter’s demand, but the truth is that he had gone ahead and found new music over the break, mostly thanks to his older sister’s ‘broadened horizons’ and ‘matured taste’ brought on by finishing her first year of university. He has a few ideas himself which direction they could go with the band, but for now he figures he’ll let Jisung take the lead.

“Okay, good.” Jisung rubs his palms together which makes Changbin nervous because he has that expression on his that he only has when there’s news - not necessarily good, at least not for Changbin - he’s eager to share. “So, you know I heard from the old alma mater grape vine!” Changbin rolls his eyes because he probably just means Chaeyeon or Ryujin, because as far as he knows everyone else Jisung was friends with in middle school are still with him in high school now. “Chaeyoung-noona heard about our band!”

Chaeyoung - that’s a name that he hasn’t really heard in a while, at least not since he’d entered an all boys’ high school. It’s also the name of the girl who he used to have a crush on for most of his last year of junior high - she was cute, and they seemed to share a few common interests based on what he learned about her. Best of all, thought, she was appropriately just the right height for him. And for a good chunk of the last term he’d thought it was mutual after he started getting cute messages in his locker; after graduation he’d gotten himself all hyped and ready for a proper confession when it turned out that Chaeyoung had mistaken his locker for someone else’s. Needless to say, it’s not really a gond memory he likes to look back on. Unfortunately, his friends had a very different idea about it.

“I’ve been told,” Jisung continues, “That she might be open to attending our school’s cultural festival later in the year if we get stage time!”

He groans. It may or may not be an exaggeration to say that incident had helped push him into choosing an exclusively all male high school. “That’s just more reason NOT to venture into love song territory,” he grumbles, loud enough for his bandmates to hear.

“What was that hyung?” The way Jisung’s lips curve into a grin makes it pretty clear to Changbin that the younger boy had heard him perfectly - the only response he has is a very telling middle finger.

  


 

— # —

  


 

“Hyung?” Felix knocks on the door before pushing it just a bit open and peering inside Changbin’s room. “Hyung—?”

It’s been a week since he’d arrived, but this is the first time he’s braving going into the older boy’s room. His family has been so nice and generous that Felix hadn’t wanted to impose even more than he thinks he already has.

“Ah—” He catches Changbin as the latter looks up from his desk, and swivels around in his chair so he can face him. “Felix!”

The welcoming way he says it warms Felix’s heart, and he boldly steps inside. He looks around, looking how cozy and lived in the room looks - it’s very _personal_. One wall had a shelf with various trophies and framed certificates displayed on it, while another, the one his desk faced, was lined with various artwork. Mostly, though, Felix is surprised at how neatly made the bed is.

“Hyung,” he begins, nodding towards the drawings on the wall. “Did you…?”

“Um.” Changbin ducks his head as if he’s embarrassed, and Felix smiles from how _adorable_ he looks doing that. And then Changbin nods, and Felix finds himself from cooing out of wonder and reverence.

“You’re really good!” Felix comments, his eyes sparkling as he comes closer so he can study the sketches better; not that he knows much about art - back home his hobbies and extra-curriculars were all more physical activities like taekwondo and swimming. He’s not blind though, he can tell Changbin has _talent_ in this area and he can’t help but be fascinated.

“Thank you.” He can feel Changbin’s eyes follow him as he walks around the room, and it renders Felix self-conscious.

“Ah, sorry, hyung—” He finally moves and settles on taking a seat on the edge of Changbin’s head. “I came here to—” He pauses, because now his own natural timidity is surfacing. “I guess I just wanted to say thank you.” It’s not just that the Seo family has let him into their home, but it’s also that Changbin has made sure, even at school, to welcome him into his friend group. It hasn’t been that long, but he’s been feeling less homesick, and he thinks that  the boy sitting in front of him, across the room, is a big part of why - he’s really only felt this kind of fascination with a person only once before.

Changbin looks at him squarely. “What for? Being graced by my good looks?” He strokes his chin at this, as if to frame his face, and Felix can’t help but laugh again. “Stop being so polite,” Changbin follows up, rolling his chair over so he can pat Felix on the shoulder. “This whole exchange student thing - my family’s getting something out of it too, so just have fun while you’re here, yeah?”

Felix smiles and nods, and then he gestures to the open stacks of textbooks adorning Changbin’s desk. “I’ll stop bothering you,” he says before pulling himself up. Before he can head out the door, however, he spots a framed photo on the far end of Changbin’s desk. He recognizes the people in the picture immediately - he’d met them all, Changbin’s friends, over the course of his first week at school.

Before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s crossed over so he can pick it up and look at it more closely. Everyone’s more or less making silly faces - Changbin is somewhere at the back of the group, almost halfway covered by Woojin on one side, while Hyunjin flanks him on the other. An arm is thrown around Changbin’s shoulders and he’s being pulled closer to Hyunjin’s side, while he makes a rather aggressive expression for the camera.

“Hyung,” he starts, chuckling.

“I look hot, huh.” Changbin’s tone is dripping with self-deprecating sarcasm, but Felix just nods and smile.

“Very charming.”

  


 

 **tbc** ;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've the rest of the chapters outlined, with some scenes written. hopefully i find the energy and attention span to finish the entire thing soon. thank you for making it to the end!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunjin overthinks, Chan throws a party — and then Hyunjin overthinks some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s underaged drinking in this one, but nothing major. just your usual teens attempting alcohol, probably for the first time. and i put jisung/minho in the tags only because they’re referenced/implied enough times to warrant a tag but that’s it. So in case you clicked because of that tag, you should probably know they’re never really front and center of the story. ~~they’ll have their own story soon anyway. maybe. probably. most likely..~~

 

 

“Yeah!” Felix pumps the air with his fist - his rock had just won against Jisung’s scissors which meant he got first pick for his team.

It’s been months and Felix has settled in quite well. It had taken a short while longer than the others, but even Hyunjin has completely warmed up to him. It’s hard not to when Felix is always so genuine in anything and everything he does. Even now, his excitement over winning a simple rock-paper-scissors game is so _pure,_  only someone without a heart could resist him, probably.

And that isn’t Hyunjin, despite what deep seated, never spoken out loud reservations he might have had about Felix when the latter had first arrived.

Hyunjin watches from the side, absentmindedly dribbling the ball, and just waiting to get chose - he doubts he’ll be first pick for either of the two anyway. He’d take offense if everyone weren’t already used to Jisung always picking Minho first, and as for Felix—

“Changbin-hyung!” The Australian calls out immediately, his smile bright and proud, and Hyunjin had expected that choice from him. He doesn’t know why he’d held his breath anyway, and he just watches as Changbin jogs over to take Felix’s side. He’s right about Jisung as well of course, but then it’s Felix’s turn once more and Hyunjin finds himself holding his breath again while staring at the boy, secretly hoping to be a part of _that_ team as well.

“Woojin-hyung,” however, is Felix’s next call out and before Hyunjin knows it, Jisung is calling for him and he has to go stand on that group’s side. In the end, at least it’s not a bad selection when Seungmin jogs over to complete their team.

Minho and Jisung are way too good at trash talking the opposite side - Changbin, especially - and in between calls and taunts, Hyunjin figures out that he shouldn’t be taking this game _too_ seriously. Although, maybe as a rule, he shouldn’t be taking schoolyard basketball games seriously _at all_ , but he can never really help himself. He’s so used to giving it all in anything and everything that _not_ trying is more of an effort for him. And so he isn’t really thinking when the ball that Felix passes to Changbin wheezes past him, and he charges full force ahead to try and steal the ball away from the smaller male. He certainly isn’t thinking _at all_ , when he collides head on into Changbin; as a result he’s unable to control his body when he bounces back and he falls down on the ground.

“Hyunjin, are you okay?” He recognizes Changbin’s voice even before his blurry vision evens out. _Good_ , he thinks _, at least it means he’s fine_. He winces as he begins to sit up, helped by the older boy who assists him by the arm.

“Sorry, hyung,” he mumbles, a shy, embarrassed smile grazing his lips even as he staggers forward, yet to properly catch his balance.

“I got him—” Seungmin appears, seemingly from out of nowhere, to help him out.  Hyunjin smiles at him gratefully, thankful that he has a best friend he can be sure to always rely on. He almost misses the flash of confusion in Changbin’s eyes when he goes for Seungmin’s offered support instead of his; but he doesn’t, and even though Hyunjin flashes the older boy a grateful smile anyway, he tries his best to will himself not to assume too much about the initial expression Changbin had worn.

 

 

 

“Sometimes, you think too much.”

Hyunjin looks up from the bench where Seungmin had deposited him to let him rest. His best friend had ran off right after, and for a good few minutes, Hyunjin stayed there, just quietly watching as the rest of their resumed their game - granted, the six of them left were mostly just fooling around now. He knows it shouldn’t, but it stings a little watching them appear to have more fun now that he’s taken himself out. “Huh?” He responds to his best friend with a confused look, only to have Seungmin hold out an unopened bottle of water at him.

“You were looking… how do I put it?” Seungmin hums and sits down next to him after he takes the bottle. “You were looking out of it,” he says finally. “Like you’re not really here, and you’re off somewhere in your head. _Again_.”

Overthinking is a nasty habit that Hyunjin has never managed to shake off, try as he might. One time, in a rare moment of bonding with Minho, the older boy had told him that it’s an only child thing. Hyunjin has never pegged Minho to be an overthinker, but then Minho’s hard to peg as anything in general so he’d accepted what he assumed was Minho’s way of trying to be nice, and empathizing with him.

Still, it’s not exactly a habit that’s easy to shake even though he’s aware of it. The more he _tries_ to stop himself from thinking too much, the more he ends up doing it. Seungmin knows this side of him better than anyone else, he supposes, because this isn’t the first time Seungmin’s called him out for something similar.

“Am I?” He almost plays off his response as a joke, but he knows it would be foolish to because it won’t work on Seungmin, who’s already giving him a quiet, knowing look. “I guess I am,” he agrees eventually, laughing softly as he leans sideways, letting his head naturally rest on Seungmin’s shoulder.

He feels Seungmin’s shoulders tense at first, before they relax and Hyunjin feels bad for making him worry so much. _Thank you_ , he mouths, voiceless, as he wraps his arms around one of Seungmin’s, who laughs and elbows him for it.

The thing is, Hyunjin thinks - _assumes_ , even - that Seungmin already knows what’s bothering him; heck, Seungmin would probably be able to word it better than he can, but he’s thankful, _so thankful_ , because Seungmin is Seungmin, which means Hyunjin has a best friend who knows not to press until he’s ready.

 

 

 

— # —

 

 

 

“Hey— Hyunjin-ah!” Changbin jogs up to Hyunjin, arm automatically slinging itself around the taller boy’s frame. “Wait up.”

They’re all walking home together after school - at least the ones of them whose houses are close together. They’d just dropped Seungmin off at his street, and Felix was walking at the back, having some kind of discussion with Woojin about different Australian dishes.

“Hyung.” Hyunjin beams at him, but there’s something amiss in his expression, Changbin just isn’t sure what.

“Those two over there,” he begins, jerking his thumb over his shoulder to let the younger know that he means Woojin and Felix behind them, “— they’re having a way too serious conversation over rabbit meat. Can you imagine the _horror_ of eating rabbit? Cute, fluffy things they are.” He gives Hyunjin a serious look, before suddenly baring his front teeth and mimicking what he thinks are rabbit sounds. As he’d expected - _hoped_ , more like it - Hyunjin almost busts a gut from laughing uncontrollably.

Changbin smirks, always glad to be the funny guy in the group. “No, really, though,” he continues, this time more sincerely, “I think Woojin’s just asking about all the ridiculous sounding Australian dishes Chan-hyung used to swear up and down to him exists.”

“Oh.” Hyunjin laughs some more anyway, because Chan used to make attempts to horrify them all with the same culinary descriptions based on his short time in Australia in grade school, but only Woojin ever really humored him. Besides, all it took Changbin was a simple Google search to learn that Chan was mostly just pulling their legs.

“So—” Changbin inhales, signalling a change of mood and tone. He pulls Hyunjin closer to his side, and under his touch he can feel Hyunjin relaxing, slacking his pose so he can lean easier towards Changbin and his smaller frame. It makes him smile, and a small voice at the back of his head tells him that he likes it because it’s so easy and natural with Hyunjin; Changbin is not usually one for excessive skinship with his friends, but this is how it’s always been with the two of them.

“So?” Hyunjin looks at him, smiling as he waits for Changbin to continue. Something about Hyunjin’s smile looks more real than it has been in weeks and something inside Changbin loosens up. He hasn’t even realised how worried he’s been about the younger until now.

“Everything good with you?” He asks, straightening up to show that he’s being sincere with his question. (Never mind that Hyunjin still towers over him by a good inch or two, the important thing is that he _stands his height_. Or something like that, maybe, _whatever_ , he thinks. He’s sure Hyunjin gets it.) “Your grades?” He prods; he really isn’t the type to normally pry into his friend’s business but he’s starting to think that might just be because he’s gotten too used to Hyunjin coming to him so easily with problems that bother him. Whatever it is, though, he knows something’s going on with Hyunjin; the image of him with Seungmin just the other day, their heads huddled together while they were all at the basketball court, right after Hyunjin had almost knocked himself out in the middle of their game - the image has been burned into Changbin’s head.

The younger boy’s smile falters for a split second, and Changbin begins to regret asking. He knows how much pressure Hyunjin takes on himself, especially when it comes to his academics - it’s the reason why Hyunjin quit playing soccer in high school, but Changbin also knows that hasn’t really helped much to bring his grades up to a level that Hyunjin would be happy with.

“It’s all good, hyung,” Hyunjin answers; a too-wide smile is now plastered on his face, presumably to make Changbin worry less but it has the complete opposite effect. He doesn’t understand why Hyunjin is acting so closed up - he thought they were closer than this.

“You know you can always come to me though, right?” He says finally, sighing as he gives up for now. _Seungmin isn’t the only person you can rely on_ , he almost adds, but he bites his tongue because he isn’t sure where that sentiment is even coming from.

 

 

 

— # —

 

 

 

The party is Chan’s idea.

His excuse is that three of them are celebrating birthdays, and with Felix more than likely to be back in Australia for his next one then they should go all out this year. Felix had tried to convince him that he didn’t care for parties _at all_ , but Chan had looked so determined that he’d easily backed down from his objections. In the end Felix at least had him promise that it would be small, only with close friends and Chan had acquiesced to the request.

This is how they find themselves sitting in a circle in Chan’s living room. His parents are away, off on a weekend business trip, while his younger siblings have been bribed with junk food for dinner, and a months worth of chores, so that they’ll stay in their rooms and not bother their older brother and his friends.

“Look,” Minho snickers as he holds up a slice of pizza, threads of gooey, melted cheese threatening to separate and fall to the floor. “It looks like Changbin.”

Changbin groans, but he’s too used to this by now that he doesn’t mind. “You mean because I’m delicious, right?” He retorts, his lips curled up one side to form a smirk. The exchange naturally earns laughter from all of their friends - along with a gagging expression in the corner from Seungmin, which just has Changbin laughing even more as he obnoxiously shoots thumb hearts his way.

“I love pizza.” The low interjection comes from seemingly nowhere, cutting through everyone’s laughter with how sincere the tone is. Everyone, Changbin included, turns to look at Felix who in turn just smiles at everyone before repeating his words. “I love pizza,” he repeats. He isn’t laughing, but he’s just… _smiling,_ and for a brief moment Changbin is unsure if Felix is going along with the joke or what. “Hyung is right,” Felix continues. “It’s delicious.”

Changbin blinks in confusion, but then from behind him someone starts to laugh loudly - so obnoxious that it can only be Jisung - and soon, everyone is following suit, that even Changbin forgets the moment of awkwardness he had felt because of Felix’s words.

 

 

 

“So spin the bottle,” Chan’s tone is demanding, like whoever doesn’t follow and play along will face some kind of wrathful consequence.

They’re all gathered in a small circle now, stomachs filled and content so the host has decided that it’s time to move on to phase two of the night - party games. In the center is an empty coke bottle, while beside Chan was a bucket filled with folded up pieces of paper that apparently had a wide selection of Truths and Dares written on them. Changbin had laughed earlier upon realisation that the older boy really, _truly,_ prepared for this but he supposes there’s always something to be praised when so much effort is put forward.

So far, though, only two lame truths have been revealed -  Seungmin came clean about thrashing his sister’s poster of her favorite idol group once when he was mad at her, even though he’d kept mum when his sister had thrown a fit and gotten angry at their mother, thinking that she was the culprit after all she did was innocently clean his sister’s room (Changbin can relate, sort of - he probably has way more similar stories with his sister than he’d care to admit, really); and then Minho talked about how he had his first kiss when he was a freshman, from the sophomore who attended the nearby girls' high school, that he’d dated for a total of five weeks (which Changbin is pretty sure more than half of the group already knew anyway, so Minho ‘generously’ added the detail _she was a sloppy kisser anyway, next!_ just so his turn would be done).

Jisung’s turn is up and the paper in his hand is saying something about kissing the person on his left which _of course_ is Minho. Changbin finds himself watching, curious how this one will play out. Jisung holds his arms out, lips puckered up in an exaggerated manner; Minho just watches him, shoulders shaking with contained laughter as the younger boy leans in - Changbin almost thinks it’s going to actually happen, but before Jisung’s mouth manages to plant itself on Minho’s, the older boy’s hand manages to fly up just in time and clamp itself over the younger’s mouth.

“Lame!” Changbin calls out, cupping his mouth with both hands as he leads the group in jeering and booing. “KISS! KISS!”

Jisung must have bit on Minho’s palm because the latter is suddenly half wincing and half laughing, retracting his hand, only or his other one to land a playful - but hard - hit on Jisung’s arm. The younger one pouts and rubs his arm, but soon, Minho is pushing Jisung’s hand away so he can gently pat the same spot he’d hit himself. Jisung, once Minho takes over in soothing the most likely non-existent bruise, instead turns to Chan and asks, “It’s not my fault he won’t accept the kiss hyung - what now?”

“You have to drink,” Chan says. “That’s the punishment.” He already has the soju provided for - bottles upon bottles that he’d swiped rom his father’s stash at the back of the fridge.

“It's no fair,” Jisung whines as he stares down at the shot of soju that Chan hands over for him to drink as punishment. “I would have done it!” Minho looks quite unbothered, and is even chuckling as he helps tip the the glass when Jisung drinks from it.

When he spins the bottle, the open mouth points at Felix and everyone, like they've done for the last three turns, cheer in unison. The freckled boy reaches into the bucket and pulls out a small piece of paper.

“Pick someone to give you a kiss—” He reads out loud, the space between his eyes crinkling before he lets out a laugh. “What—?”

“The hell, Chan? How many kiss related dares are in that bucket?” Woojin groans and shoots Chan a questioning glare. Changbin can tell he's getting nervous about his turn, which makes him snort. Chan just flashes a cheeky grin and shrugs his shoulder, eliciting more grumbling from Woojin. “This game - this _party_ is lame without girls.”

Everyone’s ignoring him though, in favor of the suspense of waiting for Felix to name someone. Minho is shooting daggers with his eyes, but Changbin assumes he’s safe after the earlier display with Jisung. He’s thinking it would be funny if Woojin gets chosen, or even better, if Chan does. But then, before he knows it—

“Changbin-hyung!” Felix is calling out his name, and his eyes are doubling in size from surprise.

“Wait, what—”

Jisung is cackling and chanting immediately, “KISS! KISS! KISS!” and Changbin really wants to wipe that self satisfied expression off his friend’s face. But he’s still gaping at Felix in shock, so for now he ignores Jisung.

He realises that all eyes are suddenly on him, waiting for him to make the next move.

“You can’t wuss out hyung,” Jisung declares, and Changbin almost regrets laying it on thick with the teasing just a few minutes earlier. He refuses to give Jisung the satisfaction of him chickening out on a dare though, so he inhales deeply in order to gather enough courage before getting up from his seat so he can cross the circle and crouch down next to Felix.

He looks at everyone around the room before his eyes settle on Felix in front of him, the younger boy’s own big eyes trained on Changbin with an almost expectant expression in them. For a second, Changbin thinks his heart skipped a beat - Felix just seems so _earnest_ about everything that Changbin doesn’t know what to do about him sometimes.

“Get a move on!” Minho calls out, like he hadn’t swerved a similar dare just earlier, but his voice manages to cut through Changbin’s thoughts anyway. He reminds himself that the dare hadn’t mentioned any specifics, and with that in mind, he plants a big, fat, _loud_ even, and almost slobbery kiss right on Felix’s left cheek. Everyone erupts into cheers, and he assumes he did enough.

Everyone continues with the teasing though, catcalling which Changbin doesn’t really get because it was just an exaggerated peck on the cheek. He’s about to roll his eyes and call everyone out, but then from the corner of his eyes he thinks he notices Hyunjin staring - just _staring,_ like he’s not sure what he just witnessed. So Changbin flashes a grin at him - _that’s right, I’m the dare master_ , is the thought that’s running through his head, and when Hyunjin realizes that the smirk is aimed at him, he finally cracks up and joins along everyone else’s cacophony.

 

 

 

— # —

 

 

 

The first time Hyunjin met Changbin, he had just turned four. His family had newly moved in and he’d caught a glimpse of Changbin - barely even five yet at the time - watching, with his sister, as Hyunjin was ushered into his new house by his parents.

Seungmin became his best friend because they were the same age, and in the same kindergarten group where they would take nap time together in their own corner - but Changbin, as far back as Hyunjin remembers, has always been the boy next door.

“Come and play!” These were the first words Changbin had ever said to him, and they’d quickly gone from backyard games of tag and hide-and-seek to regular sleepovers.

And so it’s nothing new, falling asleep next to each other. For some reason though, this time Hyunjin feels self-conscious. They're surrounded by all their friends, half of them practically piled on top of each of other on the bed, while the other half are spread out across the floor in their sleeping bags. Hyunjin had set up his sleeping area in the far corner, and Changbin had simply laid down next to him, probably, Hyunjin assumes, without having given it much thought. That was hours ago though, after the party ended. The sun hasn’t begun to shine yet through the window curtains of Chan’s room, but Hyunjin assumes it won’t be long until they do. He’s feeling so tired - he’s not sure if he even really slept other than short bursts of ten to fifteen minutes each time, but what he’s sure about is that it’s hard to sleep with Changbin right next to him, so close that he’s able to start counting the milliseconds in between Changbin’s heart beats, while feeling Changbin’s warm, steady breathing against his neck.

“Hngh,” Changbin grunts as he shifts and turns, in the process burrowing even closer against Hyunjin’s chest.

“Hyung?” He whispers, wondering if Changbin really is still asleep. “Hyung—” He repeats with a sigh, moving his arm before it can fall asleep, except now the only thing he can do with it is let it hang across Changbin’s torso.

“Hyunjin-ah,” Changbin grunts, and Hyunjin freezes upon the realization that the older is awake. “What time is it?” His voice is rough, groggy - half asleep. “Why are you awake?”

A moment of silence passes. Everyone else is dead asleep, completely passed out from the alcohol, probably, and Hyunjin considers pretending that he’s unconscious too. Changbin himself still has his eyes closed anyway. “Can’t sleep,” he mumbles, eventually unable to resist from answering.

“I can hear you thinking,” Changbin grumbles, and Hyunjin is scared for a second. The last thing he needs is for Changbin to actually _hear_ and know all the thoughts that have been jumbled and tangled in his head recently.

“Hyung, I miss you.” He ends up sharing a singular thought anyway, his voice soft, low, an almost inaudible whisper.

“Silly, I’m right here.” He burrows even closer - Hyunjin hadn’t even realised that was possible. And then Changbin laughs into his shirt, and Hyunjin laughs too, stilted, nervous. He doesn’t know why the older boy is being like this - maybe it’s sleep talking, or maybe he’s still a little tipsy from all the shots he had just hours before. For most of them, that had been their first time drinking. Hyunjin would pat himself on the back for having enough sense to turn down some extra shots, but now he’s thinking that maybe there could have been some benefits to drinking himself to a stupor.

He knows that Changbin is right - he’s _right here_ , just like he always has. The problem is that Hyunjin has been the one drifting away, lost, unsure of his place. His chest tightens, because something inside him _hurts_ and he lets his laughter drift off, silence once enveloping the room.

When he wakes up again, everyone else is looking dead tired and hungover and Seungmin tells him that Changbin is off in the bathroom, helping Minho help Jisung as the latter pukes his guts into the toilet.

 

 

 

Once, when Hyunjin was thirteen, Changbin’s older sister had asked him for a big favor. “Please, please, _please_ ,” she had practically begged. “My friends and I need a young model for our school project and you’d be perfect.”

He’d been apprehensive, but he had turned to Changbin who’d given him a shrug, and then told him that it would make his life easier with his sister if Hyunjin did it, and so he’d agreed pretty quickly after that. It was a photography project, and apparently he was a good model because later on Changbin had told him his sister got full marks.

For some reason, this had him feeling really good about himself, and when she gave him a few of the prints to keep, he’d gone come home all proud, and showed his parents.

“Well, if all else fails, I guess you can at least use your face to make a living for yourself,” his Dad had said as he casually looked through the pictures. The comment had been so flippant - and it wasn’t even the first time Hyunjin had heard something similar, really, because all his life relatives and peers were always complimenting him on his face, and not much else. He knew even then that his Dad didn’t mean anything malicious by his comment, but that was what hurt even more - that no matter how hard he worked on his academics and his extracurriculars, his parents never expected much from him.

Changbin used to be the ideal for him - he was hardworking, but he was also so naturally good at so many things, everything, _all the things that Hyunjin wanted to be good at._

“Kkami-yah..” He exhales the name of his dog, lightly clapping his hands together to call the canine’s attention to him. “Come here,” he whispers, slumping against the edge of his bed as Kkami pads over towards him, and straight into his arms.

He feels something threatening to explode in his chest - it’s the same suffocating feeling from earlier that day, in that room when he was surrounded by all his sleeping friends, except now he really _is_ alone and he wants so bad to cry.

When he was younger, he wanted to _be_ Changbin, but something has flipped over the last few months and he—

He hugs his dog close to his chest to the point that Kkami starts to whimper and struggle; Hyunjin let’s the dog go and rolls over on his bed, quietly accepting his new personal truth.

_He wants Changbin._

 

 

 

— # —

 

 

 

“Stop—” Changbin tries to play it off as a joke, but Felix can tell there’s a tinge of actual discomfort. It’d barely there, hardly visible that it's a mystery if Changbin himself is even aware. Somehow though, Felix still decides to squeeze the older in his hold - he counts a few seconds in his head, one, two, three - and then he lets go, laughing as well.

They were all hanging out behind the school gym, by the bleachers. The older boys had arrived first, their class having let out a few minutes early, and when Felix had approached (Hyunjin and Jisung and Seungmin in tow), he’d broken into a jog, rushing over to Changbin so he can fling his arms around the older boy from behind.

“Oi, enough,” Changbin repeats, his discomfort still masked with laughter. He elbows Felix lightly, and the later finally lets him go.

“Felix wants another kiss—!” Jisung announces, and Felix knows he’s just playing around, typical Jisung, but the entire group breaks out into more teasing while Changbin just shakes his head.

“You guys,” Changbin whines. “Grow up!”

Felix smiles, even though the reaction stings a little. He reaches over, squeezing Changbin’s shoulder apologetically before pulling away completely and just climbing up the steps so he can take a seat next to Woojin.

Everyone moves on easily from the topic because Jisung has the loudest voice, and Jisung is pushing his own agenda, talking about how his older cousin had helped them booked an actual practice room for their band three times a week and—

“Everyone’s welcome to come and watch us be great!” Jisung announces with a proud grin; his cousin had also managed to help them get a good discount for the rehearsal studio, apparently because his cousin’s band regularly go there too and are good friends with the owner.

“No they’re not,” Minho interrupts, giving Jisung a pointed look. “There isn’t actually any space.”

Jisung starts to argue, and soon Changbin is trying to butt in and mediate. Felix just watches them with interest, his focus only interrupted when he feels Woojin’s eyes on him. He turns to look at the older boy, smile faltering for only a brief moment. Woojin is giving him a certain expression - pity, maybe? Sympathy? Worry, mostly, Felix realises, and he wonders how transparent he’s been.

He’s not sure how to acknowledge the look that his friend is giving him, but luckily he doesn’t have to because Chan is announcing in a loud, leaderlike voice that Jisung is an idiot, and it’s much better for everyone to just watch their band once they play on stage at the upcoming cultural festival.

Felix laughs, because everyone else does, too, but in truth his thoughts are elsewhere.

He’s thinking how everyone finds him innocent. Sweet. Sensitive, maybe. And truly, once he was. Except he’s learned a few things about life even before he had left home. He tries his best to always be honest and earnest in anything he does, but it doesn’t mean he’s as clueless as he used to be.

There was another boy, once, before Changbin. He was the same age as Felix, and they were in the swim team together. He was the new kid at school when Felix was 15, and still a little broken from his father’s recent passing. Eric - that was his name, _Eric_ , and even now Felix still remembers him fondly because at one point he was the one who helped bring the smile back to Felix’s face. It had been so easy, and it had felt so good, falling into routines with Eric, who matched so well with him there were times when it felt like they were one and the same. But Felix was young and he lacked all the self awareness in the world, and when the weight of everything he’d been feeling came crashing at him it was all too much at once.

So now—

So now, Felix thinks harder. He notices more, and he’s thinking that just because he was stupid and clueless about himself once, it doesn’t mean he still is. Now, at the very least, he’s aware of his own feelings.

 

 

 

 **tbc**  ;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel bad, being unable to stick jeongin in here but he’s younger than the rest and — i promise he has his own cameo scheduled somewhere in the next parts. ;;


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all deal with feelings. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS FIC IS MAKING ME SCREAM it’s so hard to write i just went ahead and vomited it all ‘til the end lmao so yay? Two chapters at once! I hope it’s not hard to follow with all the different thought narratives, and the random mid-narrative flashbacks. Also, I did two read throughs, but knowing me I very likely still missed a lot of mistakes. Apologies in advance for that.

 

 

 

Changbin frowns upon realising that his favorite pen is out of ink - that or it’s completely dried out from lack of use; he makes a mental note to replace it the next time he goes shopping. He hasn’t been able to work on his art as much recently, with the exception of that time when Chan had asked him to draw a 4-panel strip for the school newspaper that only ever publishes two issues per term anyway.

Between schoolwork (and for some reason, it feels even more overwhelming that he can only wonder how he’d be able to handle next year, when university entrance exams roll around) and reworking 4RACHA’s music (Jisung is really fucking insistent on this, and he doesn’t have the heart to fake objections anymore), he hasn’t really found time, energy or inspiration to draw. Jisung has been working them all hard about the band and band practice - even Chan finally caved and let himself be dragged to rehearsals for a total of three hours a week, which Changbin thinks should mean that he and Minho shouldn’t be forced to put in more than that, especially since he’s not even all that keen about this new musical direction they’re taking - synth pop rock, really? He knows screamo is a bit outdated, but this almost feels like they’re plain selling out - but Jisung has been looking so stressed over the entire thing that he eventually caved in and allotted more of his time. 

Jisung’s excuse is that the cultural festival is coming up, and that they need to be perfect for it.. He’d even used that whole Chaeyoung thing again to get Changbin all riled up, but he finds that he doesn’t really care if his old crush watches him or not. He gives in because he’s a good friend, and honestly he thinks that Jisung might be doing this mostly because Minho is graduating soon and he’s trying to scrounge up as much time together as he can, even if it meant Changbin was going to third wheel.

Now though, that he’s looking at his sketchbook, flipping through all the unfinished drawings from early on in the year, along with scribbled plot ideas for various one shot graphic stories, he’s a little upset. They’re already halfway through the second term, and once the new school year rolls around he’ll have to start focusing more on his studies and his university applications. 

He cringes, because just thinking about high school ending and going to college is enough to give him anxiety, which is truly a feeling he isn’t used to. Changbin has always been good at anything he tries out, but he’s always assumed that the path set for him is the one that his father has already paved in advance. It’s not even that his parents have ever pressured him to do one thing, or another, and they would probably let him. follow a different path if he told them that's what he wants to do but -  _ he’s a good son _ . That’s the one thing he’s always strived to be even when he was younger, and he can’t imagine ever breaking out of that role. He couldn't fathom the idea of potentially disappointing his parents.

Except, maybe once.

He’d just turned sixteen, and he was halfway through his first year of high school. Hyunjin, still in middle school at the time, was over for another one of the many sleepovers they’ve had since they were little kids. Hyunjin had his arm held out towards Changbin, the latter serious at work as he drew a Pikachu on the inside of the younger’s wrist with a fine tip marker.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin had suddenly spoken, probably just to have a conversation going. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Changbin accidentally colored outside of the lines from being surprised at the question, and he’d cringed as he made an attempt to fix the mistake. “I’ll become a tattoo artist,” he had answered without thinking much, but Hyunjin had lit up at what he’d deemed as a silly answer.

“I think that’s cool, hyung!” Hyunjin excitedly told him, wriggling in his seat in a way that had Changbin slapping his wrist lightly so he can be still again. Hyunjin gave him a sheepish smile, and tried to contain himself again, at least until Changbin’s done with his drawing. “I think you’ll make a great tattoo artist,” he repeated anyway. “You're really good at this,” he added, gesturing towards the art work Changin had been creating on his arm.

After he was done, and he’d placed the cap back on his marker, he’d looked up and watched Hyunjin’s smile grow bigger - he had realized that Hyunjin was absolutely serious, and for some reason that lit something up inside Changbin.

“Actually,” he offered, because then he knew that he had Hyunjin’s unconditional support. “I think it would be nice if I can make a living out of my art. Like maybe I can become a graphic novelist.”

He didn’t even need much prodding after that before he’d decided to show Hyunjin the story he was working on. “I think you can definitely make money off this,” Hyunjin had declared after reading just the first chapter of his work. Before that his friends only ever saw his art when it was related to school, or at most they glimpsed a few standalone sketches here or there. But that he was making stories with them - Hyunjin had been the first to know. And then shortly after, finals had rolled around and he got more and more distracted with other things, until that small spark of an actual dream had eventually dimmed.

His heart dips as he remembers that scene now, but more than his novel, there’s something else that’s bothering him. Changbin picks his phone up and quickly goes through his contacts until he finds the right name, and then he hits the call button.

  
  
  


“Hey—” When Hyunjin turns and sees him, Changbin can tell he’s surprised. “Your mom let me in,” he says, grinning as he strides casually into the room, throwing himself on the bed like it’s the most natural thing for him to do.

“What are you doing here, hyung?” Hyunjin turns in his swivel chair so that he can face Changbin, and his dog escapes from his lap only to jump up on the bed and yip at Changbin who welcomes the pup with open arms. 

“What, you’re not happy to see me?” Changbin teases, sitting up so he can more comfortable cradle Kkami in his lap.

“It’s not that—” Hyunjin smiles, but the crease on his brow is still there, which worries Changbin some.

“I tried calling you,” Changbin explains. “But you weren’t answering your phone.” Saying that out loud, he realises his friend could very well have been busy with something, and as a result was unable to come to the phone. In that scenario, maybe ambushing his friend at home wasn’t the smartest thing to do - but here he is anyway, and if Hyunjin’s mother had allowed him in then surely whatever Hyunjin was up to isn’t  _ that _ urgent. That’s what Changbin assures himself anyway as he looks at Hyunjin, waiting for an explanation of some sort.

Hyunjin sighs and he turns again to face his desk. “Sorry, hyung,” he apologises, reaching for his phone as if to check it; Changbin notices THAT HE barely gives the screen a glance. “It was on silent, and I didn’t notice. I was working on some extra credit homework.”

“Extra credit?” Changbin deposits Kkami back on the floor before he gets up off the bed and walks over to Hyunjin. He leans in from behind the younger boy’s chair, peering over his shoulder so he can look at the school work in question. “You work too hard at these things,” he comments with a sigh.

“Well—” There’s an almost steely tone in Hyunjin’s voice that’s new to Changbin. “That’s easy for you to say, hyung. You’re in the top tenth percentile of your entire grade.”

Changbin pauses, and he swallows. Perhaps he’d said the wrong thing, and he feels bad about that. He should know better than to undermine how hard Hyunjin works. “Sorry,” he says, reaching over and squeezing Hyunjin’s shoulder in an affectionate manner. “Just kinda missed hanging out. I miss you.”

There’s a pregnant pause that actually makes Changbin nervous, but then Hyunjin lets out a low chuckle as he turns his head and looks up to meet Changbin’s gaze. “Don’t be silly hyung. I’m right here.”

There’s something vaguely familiar about the exchange, like deja vu but not - except Changbin isn’t sure why or how so he shakes the feeling off. Instead, he grins and shakes Hyunjin’s shoulders before leaning down and hugging his friend from behind. “Yes, you are!” He declares, as he turns the hug into a playful headlock. “But you’re buried in school work - hang out with hyung, instead?”

Hyunjin winces, and Changbin loosens his hold a little to allow him to move his head to the side. Suddenly, they’re face to face, noses barely an inch away from each other’s. Changbin feels his heart skip a beat, but then he busts out an even wider grin and finally he lets go. “Come on, Hyunjin,” he pleads, hands clasped together. “I need to get out or I’m gonna go nuts. I promise I’ll help you with—” He gestures at the work books Hyunjin has opened on his desk.

Hyunjin looks like he’s just about ready to give in, but there’s still some apprehension in his tone when he speaks. “What about Felix, hyung?”

The question gives Changbin pause, which he uses to throw Hyunjin a puzzled glance. “What about Felix?”

They lock gazes, genuine confusion evident in Changbin’s eyes until Hyunjin just chuckles and breaks eye contact. “Nothing, hyung,” he says finally. “Let me just get ready then.”

“Wait—” Changbin reaches over and straightens out Hyunjin’s collar which was flipped inside; in the process, his knuckles graze against the back of Hyunjin’s neck and maybe it’s because Changbin extends his fingers to brush against his hair, but suddenly it feels strangely intimate and they both go rigid until Changbin has the sense to quickly retract his hand.

  
  
  


— # — 

  
  
  


Felix wonders what it means when nothing is different, but everything is different at the same time. It doesn’t make sense, not really, but that’s how it feels.

“Oh, you’re here—” Changbin’s mother greets him with some surprise as he emerges from his small bedroom. Felix is confused at the mild shock in her tone because where else would he be? Granted, it’s a Saturday afternoon and he  _ is _ thinking of going out for a jog, or a walk or something similar, but  _ still _ . “I thought Changbin took you with him,” his host mother continues, and he finally understands where the startlement comes from.

“Hyung is out?” He asks, even though the answer is quite obvious. During his first months in South Korea, he’d practically been attached to Changbin - almost like an extra limb, their now common friends used to say. Most of them accepted it as a given, which is how Felix allowed himself to settle in that comfortable norm.

Things have been somewhat awkward though, since the night of Chan’s party. Sometimes he thinks it’s all in his head, because Changbin still generally acts the same around him - they go to school together, and walk home together; they do their homework together and Changbin obliges him with the occasional video game challenge. Everything is as it was - except sometimes, when it’s just the two of them, he catches Changbin giving him curious looks that has Felix turning neurotic. But since he’s never really sure what those mean, it's easy for him not to act different. 

“I think he went over to Hyunjin’s,” Changbin’s mother continues and Felix simply nods and plasters a smile on his face. There’s nothing new or unusual about that either, but he can’t help the sting he feels from not being invited.

Felix nods, numb, and turns around to head back into his room.

With nothing else to do, he checks his messages - one particular tab has a bright red ‘56’ flashing, informing him how much unread messages he has from his best friend back home. He winces because at one point, Eric’s stopped trying - and he knows this because the message count last went up mid-September (he assumes on his birthday), but before that it was as far back as May - and Felix doesn’t know how to feel about that. 

Sighing, he navigates to the group he has with his sisters instead. He knows they’re both out, probably - it’s late afternoon back home in Australia, and it’s a weekend so they’re still at the community center, probably, doing their respective weekend activities. He thinks about leaving a message, but there’s nothing significant he can say about his day so far, so in the end he sends an ‘I miss you’ sticker and leaves it at that. 

  
  
  


When Woojin texts him, asking him if he wants to come over, Felix doesn’t even ask what for. He bolts from his room, quickly informs his host mother and then he’s out the door. It doesn’t take him fifteen minutes before he arrives at Woojin’s, and the older boy is welcoming him at the door with a smile and letting him inside.

“So this kid here—” Woojin gestures at the boy seated in his living room, all smiles, braces flashing at Felix, “—his name is Jeongin. I’ve been tutoring him but he kinda needs help with his English and that’s my worst subject. Thought you could help out, maybe?”

“Oh.” At Felix’s singular reaction, Woojin looks quite apologetic so he quickly flashes a bright smile to show that it’s all good. “I don’t mind, hyung,” he assures the older, whose countenance slacks in obvious relief.

“My Mom’s also cooking a really nice dinner tonight,” Woojin continues. “You should stay and eat, and we can hang out and play some video games after.”

Felix beams; he doesn’t need to be bribed because he would have done this favor for Woojin anyway; after all, Changbin aside, the older boy has been the most helpful to him and his struggle with the Korean language. 

The afternoon goes by surprisingly fast. Jeongin is a good student, easily absorbing everything that Woojin and Felix teach him. Felix learns that all the hard work is for his upcoming high school entrance tests - he wants to go to the same school that Woojin and Felix attend.

“Let’s hang out next year, hyung,” Jeongin tells Felix with a bright and eager smile. “After I get into the same school.”

Felix laughs and nods, and fondly pats Jeongin on the head even though he isn’t sure if he’s still going to be in Korea for the following school year - his exchange program is almost up and he has yet to look into renewing that status. He’d talked to his grandmother earlier in the month, and she had assured him that if he wanted to continue his studies in South Korea, then she’ll support him - no matter what his mother says, and no matter if he has to fully transfer. He had told his grandmother that he wouldn’t have anywhere to live if that was the case - the Seo family were his host parents  _ because _ of the program, and without it he had no assurances that they would take him in. His grandmother had just laughed, and told him not to worry his pretty little head about things that adults should be taking care of for him, and he’d accepted it as that. It was nice to know that she had his back anyway, no matter what he would decide on.

As much as he’s loving the experience though, he has to admit that homesickness has finally caught up to him. That’s what he tells himself anyway, whenever he thinks about going back home to Sydney and leaving Seoul for good.

“We’ll see about that,” is all he tells Jeongin though, and the boy beams at him  _ again _ ; Felix laughs because Jeongin’s happiness is contagious.

“Well, the kid’s taken a liking to you,” Woojin points out after Jeongin’s older brother picks him up, just before dinner. Jeongin had given Felix a grateful hug, which Felix had promptly returned. It was nice, he had thought, physical affection that didn’t have to mean anything.

  
  
  


“You know—” Woojin hums, a habit Felix has noticed the older has whenever he’s trying to put the right combination of words together. “You can talk to me about how you’ve been, you know.” His eyes are on the television, his fingers mashing on the buttons on his game controller, but his tone is even, sincere. “Agh!” He yells, as his car crashes on screen, and Felix laughs but after the words ‘GAME OVER’ flash, Felix puts his controller down.

“Hyung, I don’t know how I feel—” He pauses, and shakes his head. No, that isn’t right. “Actually, I do, but I don’t know what to do with how I feel. Growing up is hard.”

Woojin laughs, his knee nudging Felix’s. “Sure it is,” he says. “But cliche as it is, nothing worth having comes easy, yeah?”

Felix sighs and shakes his head. “Hyung, you ever like someone you know will never like you back?”

“W-what?” Woojin coughs, quite surprised by the question. “Is that what’s been bothering you?” 

Felix can almost hear the gears in the older boy’s head - he’s wondering who Felix could possibly like, and he panics, immediately making a cross with his arms. “It’s not someone here,” he quickly clarifies, even though that’s not the entire truth either.

“Ah.” Woojin visibly relaxes, and he nods as if in understanding. “Someone back home then? Someone you miss?”

Felix purses his lips - the last several months have helped him take his mind off home and everything he’d left there, barring his family, but the strange tension that’s been building between him and Changbin recently is too familiar to ignore.

“My best friend,” he admits with a heavy exhale. He’s mentioned most of his friends from back home, but he’s never really truly talked about Eric to anyone. Woojin, he finds, is someone that’s alarmingly easy to talk to - or maybe,  _ probably,  _ Felix is just  _ that _ ready to confide in someone about this. “Ex best friend?” He clarifies with low laughter; after months of ghosting the guy, it wouldn’t surprise him if the guy refuses to have anything to do with him now. “I— I started having these feelings that I knew they were never going to return and—”

Woojin gives him a concerned look, but he doesn’t say anything, just waiting for Felix to continue on his own time. 

Felix sighs. “I knew they were never going to feel the same way, and that was part of why I came here.” He pauses because he knows that sounds ridiculously self indulgent; it’s not as if that’s the entire reason he chose to turn an application in for the exchange program - he was sincere in wanting to know more about the country his parents were born in, and he truly felt that he needed something  _ new _ in his life especially at that time - like some changes that he could at least be in control of, but perhaps being able to escape his own feelings had helped tipped the decision scale.

“How do you know that?” Woojin put s down his game controller completely, at that point dropping the pretense that either of them still cared about racing 2D cars.

_ Because _ , Felix thinks, frustrated as he tries to piece his thoughts together.  _ He’s a guy and I’m a guy and he isn’t into guys. _ It’s not just that though - he remembers the stricken look on his best friend’s face that one afternoon when—

It had been a Thursday, Felix knows for sure because they were supposed to have swim practice but coach had cancelled because the pool was being cleaned. Felix had invited his friend over for video games; his older sister was out with friends, while Olivia was still in ballet class. It was nothing out of the ordinary for them, really, except somehow they’d ended up on the floor of the living room, laughing as they wrestled for the television remote control. 

And then there had been tension as Eric managed to finally nick it away from Felix’s hold, only to have Felix look up at his best friend, suddenly filled with the urge to  _ do something _ .

So he did; without thinking, he’d leaned up and given his best friend a quick, quiet and chaste kiss on the lips.

Felix had no idea where that overwhelming desire had come from - or maybe he did, and it was always lowly rumbling in the pits of his ever since the other boy entered his life, but he had been absolutely clueless about what it was which is how it taken even  _ him _ by complete surprise. The look Eric had given him right after - eyes wide and stricken - was enough to bring Felix back to his senses. Eric had tried to act all nonchalant about it as he’d stood up and gotten off Felix, but ten minutes later he was already making some sort of excuse about needing to go home.

Even now, Felix wonders if he’d been more self aware, would he have stopped himself from doing that and ruining their friendship? 

“Well—” Woojin is speaking again, probably noticing that Felix is too confused to answer. “If this person is your best friend, even if they don’t see you that way, don’t you think it will be fine anyway? Because they’re first and foremost your friend - but you still have to be honest about your own feelings, otherwise you won’t be able to clearly see ahead.”

Felix nods, still quiet. He finds that instead of looking back into his past, he’s wondering if this applies to Changbin too. He’s been so focused on not making the same mistakes with him that he realises he’s making a different set of mistakes this time.

“You know,” Woojin adds, his voice quiet and more even. “You're already one of the most honest guys I know Felix - I guess you just have to be more mindful about it.”

  
  
  


When he gets back home that evening, he simply greets his host parents quietly before heading to his room. Briefly, he considers stopping by Changbin’s room - he can see that the light is open through the door crack, which means the older boy is back home as well. He decides against it at the last minute though, because he thinks there’s something else he’d rather take care of first.

He flips his laptop open as he settles on the bed, and he immediately tabs to his messenger window. He finally clicks on the right tab, marking all fifty messages as read even though he doesn’t really bother backtracking through them. He thinks, they don’t really matter, he just wants to know how his best friend is doing  _ now _ .

“Hey,” he types, hitting send right after. Almost immediately, even though he knows it’s way later in Australia, three dots appear on screen, signalling that the person on the other end is typing a reply. Something in his stomach knots, only to immediately breathe a sigh of relief when the response shows up finally.

_ Yo, bro! _ is followed with an enthusiastic smile emoji, and then an I MISS YOU sticker that has Felix suddenly laughing because two words, one emoji and one sticker are all it takes to let it settle that he’s been handling this entire thing stupidly.

Now that he knows his friend is still awake  _ and _ online, he doesn't waste any more time before he clicks on the video call button. It takes a couple of rings before there's an answer; the picture is blurry at first but soon there's focus and there Eric is, hardly changed over the last nine months that Felix hasn't seen him.

“Hey, mate!” He smiles and gives his friend a playful salute.

Like it always has been, they just talk and talk and  _ talk _ . It’s as easy as it always has been, with Eric talking about all their old friends, and about how their swim team made regionals this year, and how one time he ran across Felix’s mum and sisters while out.

“Hey, I’m seeing this girl,” he brings up at one point, and Felix is surprised at how much it  _ doesn't _ sting. He even feels excited - genuinely  _ elated _ \- for his friend, as he asks him to tell him more about his new girlfriend.

Eventually though, once they've exhausted all the easy topics, a telling lull takes over.

“Hey man,” his friend says, looking a little tense as he tries to start conversation up again. “I don’t know if you read through the messages I sent you—?”

Felix feels his ears turn red, embarrassed about that. “Sorry, I didn’t—”

The smile Eric flashes him right after makes him feel relieved. “It was just me apologising a lot,” his friend admits. “I gave up after a while because none of the messages were being read, so I figured you wanted some space.”

“Yeah, mate it’s okay—” Felix exhales breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding. “Hey, about the thing that happened before I left—”

He isn’t even able to finish what he’s saying before his friend is interrupting him, “Yeah about that, I’m sorry too.”

Felix straightens up and stares directly at the camera before looking away, and down at his hands. “I mean, I’m still— it doesn’t change that I’m into, uh, guys.” His tone is low, soft and his cheeks are colored a deep shade of pink, this being the first time he’s ever actually said that out loud.

Eric doesn’t say anything for a minute, and Felix, afraid that he’s been logged off on, looks up to check if his friend is still on the line. Their eyes meet, and Eric breaks out into a smile.

“I mean, hey I don’t care who you like,” he says slowly, like he’s trying to pick the right words. He’s rubbing the side of his neck, a mannerism Felix knows he has when he’s nervous. “I mean if it’s me, uh—”

“No, hey, mate—!” Felix laughs and gestures wildly with his hands. “I mean I guess I had a crush on you, but I’m totally over that now.”

“Oh.” Eric stares at him. “ _ Oh. _ So now I’m not good enough for you?!” The accusation comes with laughter though, and Felix knows that’s straightened out. They can genuinely laugh about this now.

“You were only a passing thing,” Felix deadpans with a disaffected handwave, right before he cracks up himself.

“You saying you found someone else there, mate?”

He freezes at the question, and then he hangs his head low. “There’s someone, but I’m pretty sure he’s—” Felix sighs, because this is another thing that he knows he has to deal with, and be honest with himself about. “I’m pretty sure he’s into someone else.”

“That bloke’s blind then,” Eric says.

“Like you, huh?” Felix teases, the easy banter bringing a smile on his face.

“Nah, mate, you just have all the wrong parts,” Eric shoots back, and suddenly they’re both cracking up completely.

Woojin is right, Felix thinks. At the end of the day you make it work with a friend, feelings or not, as long as you’re honest with yourself and to them. It’s a daily reminder for himself, he thinks, if he’s going to deal with the big, fat crush he has on Changbin.

  
  
  


— # —

  
  
  


It’s a little before eight in the evening when Hyunjin shows up at Seungmin’s doorstep. He and Changbin had separated earlier, and the older boy probably assumes that Hyunjin had gone straight in to his house. But before he could open the door, Hyunjin had found himself turning around, rushing through familiar streets until he finds himself in front his best friend’s home.

“Oh, Hyunjin!” It’s Seungmin’s older sister who answers the door and who lets him in, telling him to just head on straight to Seungmin’s room. He bows, politely, gratefully, and then he’s quick to take his shoes off by the door so he can go see Seungmin.

He knocks on the door, and then waits until he hears soft padded steps cross the room. The knob clicks and the door opens, and he smiles, before whispering a soft “Hey,” at his best friend.

“Hey,” Seungmin returns, ushering him like it’s the most normal thing for Hyunjin to be coming over like this, even on a weekend night. “What’s up?”

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything; instead he feels his tired body start to give in, and then suddenly Seungmin is catching him with his arms as he leans against his best friend’s smaller figure.

“You’re heavy,” Seungmin points out, but there’s no malice in it. He isn’t even teasing, just being declarative. With a sigh, Seungmin assists him until they both manage to sit down on the bed. “What’s wrong, Hyunjin-ah?”

He finds that the words are still not coming to him, so instead of answering he nuzzles against his best friend’s shoulder, causing the latter to let out another sigh. Hyunjin can tell the other boy is getting frustrated, and quite frankly, so is he - but he has no idea how to start unpacking all the emotional baggage he’s accumulated over who knows how long.

“Hwang Hyunjin.” The way Seungmin says his name is stern, tired. Hyunjin can’t blame him, and yet all he has to offer in response is another grunt. “Hey,” Seungmin elbows him gently. “This thing recently… you’re really taking it to heart. And I mean even more than usual.”

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin mumbles, pulling away so he can look at Seungmin directly.

Seungmin looks like he’s taking all his resolve not to roll his eyes at him. “Don’t— stop that, Hyunjin-ah.”

“It’s nothing,” Hyunjin insists. 

“Then why are you here?” Seungmin spits out with such exasperation that it makes Hyunjin wince. “It’s not even really a recent thing.” At this Seungmin stands up, for once towering over Hyunjin’s slumped figure. “Even when we were kids you were obsessed with him.”

“Him—?” Hyunjin starts to question, only to balk when he looks up and sees the way Seungmin is glaring daggers at him. He sighs. “Obsessed is a bit of a strong word,” he mumbles after a beat.

“Okay, maybe,” Seungmin admits. “Fine. But you always looked up to him. God— you even started dressing like him at some point. Remember when we had a fight when we were kids, just because of him and how you kept following him around even though you were supposed to be cheering for me at my basbeall game?”

Hyunjin winces because he  _ does _ remember. It was one of the few misunderstandings he and Seungmin have had during the course of their friendship. “Sorry,” he mumbles, feeling like he has to apologise for it, even though it’s an incident that happened when they were only ten.

Seungmin shrugs. “That doesn’t matter, really. I was only trying to make a point. I’m just saying - if you ask me, it was also more than simply idolizing hyung. You always cared about what he thinks—”

“I care what  _ you  _ think,” Hyunjin points out, interrupting him, but Seungmin is obviously not done because he waves a dismissive hand and just goes on with his tirade.

“You  _ always  _ cared about what he thinks —  _ more _ than you cared about anyone else’s opinions,” he pauses and gives Hyunjin a pointed look. “That’s saying a whole lot, Hyunjin, because you care about what  _ everyone _ thinks.”

There’s a thundering feeling in Hyunjin’s chest now, and he has to look away again in order to focus on holding it in. But Seungmin crouches in front of him so that they’re eye level anyway. “Don’t be an idiot, Hyunjin,” he says, his tone softer again. “Changbin-hyung cares about you a lot.”

“He cares about everyone a lot,” Hyunjin points out; somehow, it feels like he’s running out of air.

“I just said don’t be an idiot, and yet here you are.” Seungmin groans and rubs his own face. “You know I’m always here to listen to you with no judgment. That’s why I never ask you what’s wrong unless you come to me first - but you’re here now, Hyunjin, and you’re still just fucking wallowing in your own insecurities.” The cuss word rings in Hyunjin’s ears - it’s not very often that Seungmin uses such dirty language. 

“I—” He inhales, long and deep, because it still feels like he’s suffocating, somehow. “I’m scared, Seungmin,” his croaks out. “I don’t think anyone like hyung can like someone like me. I don’t think someone like hyung will want someone like me.”

Seungmin’s features soften and he reaches over to cup Hyunjin’s face with both his hands. “You really are a hopeless idiot—” He sighs. “Why am I best friends with you again?”

“What if—” Hyunjin can feel the tears welling in his eyes now, but he still tries his best to hold them back. “What if he’s disgusted by me?” He whispers, voice soft, barely audible.

“You should give Changbin-hyung more credit. You know he isn’t that kind of person.” A frown graces Seungmin’s lips as he gently brushes a tear off the corner of Hyunjin’s right eye. 

“Well, it’s either that or I think he might be into Felix—” Hyunjin says, only to be interrupted by Seungmin’s laughter.

“You can’t have it both ways, Hyunjin. I just told you not to be an idiot!” He chuckles and this time he really does roll his eyes. “You’re acting like the choices are that either Changbin-hyung is a homophobic asshole, or he isn’t and he’s in love with Felix. We’ve both known him all our lives - he isn’t a narrow minded prick.”

“But Felix—” Hyunjin continues to argue, even though he sounds all choked up now.

Seungmin stays quiet, and Hyunjin almost thinks that his best friend has given up on him; but soon enough Seungmin’s arms are enveloping him in a tight hug, and only then does he realise that his tears have started to fall uncontrollably.

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin says, his voice soft and soothing even as his arms squeeze around Hyunjin. “You keep looking at what other people have, and at some point you have to stop doing that. Sometimes, you need to look in the mirror, and see what’s good about yourself instead of what you lack.” 

Somehow it’s those words that completely break him down, and he collapses into Seungmin’s arms again. He bawls his eyes out, and he allows Seungmin to hold him, wipe his tears - his snot, too, even - until he has none left to cry.

  
  
  


“So how long have you known?” Hyunjin asks later, once his tears are all dried up and he and Seungmin are just sitting at the foot of Seungmin’s bed, huddled close and resting against each other. “About my feelings for Changbin-hyung?”

Seungmin sighs, and reaches for Hyunjin’s hand, threading their fingers together before he answers. “I’ve always known, Hyunjin. I always know when it’s you.”

“I’m scared,” he whispers, turning his head and pressing his face against Seungmin’s arm. “I don’t know how to be gay.”

“I think—” Seungmin laughs, but it’s soft, fond. “I think you just  _ are _ , Hyunjin.”

“What if our friends all hate me?”

“That’s you being an idiot again,” Seungmin points out, sighing. “But either way, you have me. You will always have me.”

  
  
  


**tbc** ;


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes, and more feelings are dealt with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO THIS WAS LITERALLY A SPRINT TO THE FINISH WHEN I WAS WRITING IT. The more I write the more I find everything I write to be cringeworthy so I just wanted it over with tbh. Sob. I hope you, whoever you are that is reading this, enjoys it anyway. Thanks for making it up to here!

The school opens their gates once the cultural festival comes around; the weeks leading to it had everyone busy - seniors mostly with preparation for their exams, but the rest of them also had to help out with various booths their clubs and their classes were in charge of.

Changbin has been whining about all the responsibilities he’s had to shoulder - from helping with the props and the mural backdrop for the play the drama club is putting to almost daily rehearsals for 4RACHA at the behest of Jisung. “And the student council even asked me to design the poster,” he’d added as he moaned and groaned during one family dinner. His parents had just laughed - his father suggested turning some of it down, but Changbin just shook his head and acted like he had no other choice.

“I think hyung likes it,” Felix pointed out once, with a smile. “Besides you can handle it all, because you’re pretty good at everything.”

“I, well—” Changbin had coughed, embarrassed, but it was obvious he was both pleased _and_ proud. “Jisung’s still being too much,” he grumbled, and everyone at the table just laughed.

When the day itself comes, Felix realises that maybe Jisung had been right to work their band to the ground with rehearsals because the auditorium is pretty packed when it’s time for them to perform.

“Whoa.” Felix eyes widen in awe even as he tries to navigate through the crowd in search for his friends. He ends up spotting Woojin from afar, but he’s standing with his classmates so Felix feels awkward heading his way.

Lucky for him, he literally bumps into Seungmin when both of them are trying to push their way to the front; the other boy looks just as relieved to run into him, if the bright smile that lights his face up is any indication. “Felix!” Seungmin cries out, grabbing both his hand tightly so they don’t lose each other.

“Where’s Hyunjin?” He asks and Seungmin just shrugs before waving towards the stage. “He’s watching by the side stage - I was supposed to meet him there, but it’s kinda hard to move around here now.”

Felix opens his mouth to make a comment, but only laughter trickles out and then Seungmin is nudging him and nodding towards the stage as their friends walk out. The entire auditorium cheers - he has to admit he’s a little surprised at how loud the crowd is being. “They were always this popular?” He asks Seungmin, mouth agape in shock. He’s seen a few of their rehearsals, and he didn’t think they were bad but he thought that might also be his bias as a friend talking.

Seungmin shrugs. “This is as much a surprise for me—” He laughs and briefly surveys the people around them. “I guess Jisung’s ridiculous advertising worked.”

The set actually ends up surpassing even Felix’s already generous expectations. It’s not exactly perfect - at one point one of Chan’s drumsticks fly out of his hand in a painfully obvious manner. They actually had to _pause_ in the middle of the song, which had their audience cracking up, but after Chan manages to retrieve the drumstick, they start up again without a hitch, right at the same point in the song where they’d stopped, even. And then midway through the last song, one of Jisung’s strings break, but they’re much better at covering that up and Felix only really notices because Seungmin quietly points it out to him.

Mostly though, Felix’s eyes are kept on Changbin; he finds the older boy to be charismatic as heck, even though the night before had once again been spent whining - this time about how much he’d still rather do their old songs, even though he also had to admit that Jisung has an ear for what sounds good and _Felix, if you ever tell him I said that I’m kicking you out_.

Felix smiles to himself in amusement at the memory, but then everyone is cheering again, calling for an encore, and his focus is brought back to the present. He snickers when he realises that Changbin at least got a bit of his wish in the end - their encore song is one of their old ones, and Felix watches in awe as Changbin performs in his element, growling loudly into the microphone while the crowd gets more and more amped.

“This is noise,” Seungmin sighs, head shaking, even though he’s also jumping up and down, his body swaying along to the loud music.

  
  


“So you were pretty engrossed back there,” This is the first thing Seungmin points out to him when they head out of the gym once the performance set is over, just following the crowd as it disperses.

“You’re one to talk,” Felix retorts, before grinning and then mimicking how Seungmin was like back inside, one hand raised up, head bobbing along.

“Oi—” Seungmin shakes a closed fist at him, but that just has Felix laughing more. “They were okay, I suppose,” Seungmin grudgingly admits.

“Should we go look for the others?” Felix asks, motioning back at the auditorium they’d just left; he assumes the guys are still packing their instruments up and he wonders if they should help out.

Surprisingly, Seungmin shakes his head and places his hand on Felix’s arm, tugging at him so they can keep walking away. “I’m kind of hungry,” he explains. “Let’s get something to eat. Aren’t they serving mini burgers at one of the second year booths?”

Felix isn’t really that hungry - he’d had a full meal with some of the kids in the culture club (which he was a member of, by default) before the mini concert, but mini burgers admittedly sounded good. He follows closely behind Seungmin, surprised that this isn’t awkward at all considering they’ve never really spent time together, just the time two of them.

“So.” Seungmin sounds quite serious when he starts up conversation when it’s just the two of them seated at the foot of the bleachers, sharing three mini hamburgers and one tall soda between them. Felix is wondering where their other friends are, but he turns to Seungmin, mid-bite, when the latter calls for his attention.

“So?”

“So,” Seungmin repeats with  a nod, picking up their drink and taking a quick sip. “I don’t understand.”

Felix gives him a quizzical look, and gestures for him to continue as he takes another bite off a burger.

“I don’t understand what you people see in Changbin-hyung,” Seungmin continues and Felix almost chokes on a piece of burger.

He sputters and coughs and Seungmin has to thump on his back to help him out. “W-what—?”

His friend chuckles and hands him their shared drink, allowing Felix to sip on it before he continues. “You heard what I said,” he says. “I didn’t stutter, did I?”

“So you’re genuinely asking me what’s good about Changbin-hyung?” Felix places the drink down between them, his brow furrowed as he tries to understand where Seungmin’s question is coming from. “Well—” The smile that forms on his lips is a natural one, the automatic effect of having Changbin grace his thoughts. “His face is— he’s very charming. Charis… matic?”  Felix struggles with the right Korean words to use at first; he keeps going anyway, completely earnest and honest, and in that moment he wears all his feelings on his sleeve despite the soft snort Seungmin lets out. “It’s not just that though! Hyung.. he’s very confident, but not overly so? He’s good at so many things, but he never lets it go to his head. He’s funny, and witty — most of all though, he’s caring. He looks after all of us in his own way, don’t you think? Sometimes to the detriment of his own interests, but it’s okay, because to him as long as his friends are laughing and healthy, then he’s happy.”

Felix pauses when he realises he’s said so much. “Uh, yeah,” he mumbles, voice even lower than usual. “That’s the kind of guy hyung is, you know?”

Seungmin doesn’t say anything at first, which causes Felix’s embarrassment to deepen; his cheeks feel warm and he opts to look down at his food, stuffing his mouth with the rest of the burger in his hand.

Eventually, Seungmin lets out a sigh and Felix feels his friend’s hand pat him on the back. “I guess you’re right. That _is_ the kind of guy that Changbin-hyung is.” There’s something about his expression that Felix finds hard to read, and for a few seconds it feels like Seungmin’s thoughts are somewhere else. “You like him a lot, huh, Felix?”

“Yeah, well.” Felix sighs, and casually crumples the burger wrapper in his hand. “That’s what I think, anyway. I don’t think it matters so much.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes - he doesn’t feel like there’s any purpose in denying Seungmin the truth. “Hyung doesn’t feel the same, anyway.”

Seungmin hums - soft, contemplative. “Well,” he starts, turning to give Felix a look of careful concern. “What do you want to do about that?”

Felix stretches his legs, and rubs his palms against his thighs, actually giving the question proper thought. It would be nice to have his feelings reciprocated, but despite his surface innocence, Felix does not want to make a habit of hoping for the impossible.

“I think— I think I just want hyung to be happy,” he says finally, his smile tainted with noticeable bittersweetness.

Seungmin snorts out laughter and claps Felix’s back. “Relatable,” he mumbles - or at least that’s what Felix thinks he hears.

  
  


— # —

  
  


After dinner and chores, it’s Felix who visits Changbin in his room. The latter gestures around, indicating that Felix can make himself comfortable however he chooses to.

“You were great today, hyung.” Felix beams at him as he settles on a spot on the floor, right by the foot of Changbin’s bed. “The cheers were so loud—”

Changbin scoffs and flashes a self-satisfied grin as he shoots a finger gun at Felix’s direction. “I know right. All my fans were queueing for my autograph right after.” He’s joking around, of course, and he swivels around in his chair, laughing, to show that he doesn’t really mean a word of what he just said.

He expects Felix to laugh along - if it was anyone else in their friend group, Minho, maybe. Jisung, even,  or Chan, Changbin would probably have gotten a snarky comeback directed at him too. But Felix just smiles, and nods. “I would have fallen in line too, hyung,” he says, and Changbin’s laughter sheepishly trails off instead.

“I guess we did pretty good,” he admits finally, rubbing the back of his neck and flashing a shyer smile this time around. Felix’s praise is so zealous and heartfelt that Changbin's a little awkward for it. “Thanks. We did what we can.”

Changbin watches as Felix fiddles with a loose thread on his carpet, and for a few moments the only sound heard is the squeaking on the wheels of Changbin’s swivel chair as he shifts around in it.

“Hey,” he starts, waving his hand to get Felix’s attention. “You’re so nice— how is that even possible?” He laughs to make it sound like he’s joking, but there’s genuine curiosity in his question. “You’re probably the nicest person I have in my life—” He laughs some more, this time a little less put on. “You’re friends with _my_ friends, so you’ve seen what little shits each and everyone of them can be.”

Felix laughs along, but he’s quick to shake his head. “You don’t really mean that hyung.”

“Of course I do,” Changbin shoots back with a derisive snort.

“Okay, sure you do,” Felix nods, and looks up to meet Changbin’s gaze. There’s an agreeable smile painted on his lips, and a certain look of amusement mirrored in his eyes. “But you love them and accept them for it, and that’s why you’re a great person, hyung.”

“What—” Changbin laughs nervously; there Felix goes again, completely sincere and frank. “Okay, I suppose. Maybe.”

“It’s just one of the many things I like about you, hyung— and I like a lot.”

Changbin blinks, because now Felix’s tone is even more somber and there’s  a startling calmess to his expression that renders Changbin absolutely clueless as to how he should react. “Uh,” He chuckles, trying to wash away the tension he’s feeling. “Thanks, I guess.”

“I like you, hyung.”

At the confession, Changbin almost chokes on his own spit. Whatever it is, he hadn’t been expecting this - or maybe he was. He opens his mouth, but no response comes out so he closes it again, jaw clenched tightly as he wonders where this is going.

“Well,” he begins, trying to flush away any and all skittishness he’s feeling. “I like you too, kid.” Changbin smiles, hoping that by acting casual he won’t ruin the vibe. Felix has always been so hard to read; this is not the first time the younger boy has expressed affection - it’s not even unique to him, not really. Felix is always sweet to everyone in their friend group, and if Changbin notices that the boy does just a little bit more when with him, he tries not to assign too much meaning to any of it. Granted, however, it’s also the first time that Felix has used words like this; still, Changbin doesn’t want to assume anything - he hopes Felix doesn’t mean more than what Changbin is ready to accept.

“Hyung—” Felix laughs and shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant. And I think you know it.”

This time Changbin is silent for longer than a few seconds - Felix is right, and he wonders how much of an asshole he is for consciously ignoring all the signs that had come before this. “I—” He starts, but then he closes his mouth again, sighing. He doesn’t know what to say because the last thing he wants to do is hurt Felix; he refuses to be that heartless.

The dead air lasts a bit too long, perhaps, and in the end it’s Felix who struggles to break through it. “I guess I should go,” he says, pulling himself up and off the floor. “Sorry for bothering you, hyung.”

Changbin draws his lips together and balls his fists. He still has no idea what he can say but he doesn’t want the conversation on an awkward note - he thinks he owes Felix and his honesty more than that.

“Hey—” He calls out, before Felix can reach the door. “Kid, I’m sorry.” He’s mumbling, but he at least manages as much as looking directly at the younger male when he says the words.

The corner of Felix’s mouth twitches, and the way he nervously rubs his palms against his pants isn’t lost on Changbin. “It’s okay, hyung,” he says, a smile on his lips, but sadness in his eyes. “I understand. I just wanted to tell you because I wanted you to know that I mean it every single time I tell you that you’re a great person.”

“Ah—” Changbin sputters out uncomfortable laughter; he’s not used to anyone being this raw and open with him that it hurts how he isn’t able to reciprocate the feelings.

“Hyung, come on.” Felix’s smile grows wider as if to help comfort Changbin, which is ridiculous because he’s the one who should be getting solace in this situation. “I mean every word that comes out of my mouth - so believe me when I say that I want you to be happy. So be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

  
  


— # —

  
  


The night before Felix’s flight back to Australia, Hyunjin runs into him. He’s walking on the way home from a quick trip the convenience store when he spots Felix all by himself, illuminated in the dim lighting of the park just a few blocks away from his house.

The school year had ended, just like that, with the last several weeks going by so fast with exams, and the three seniors among their friends graduating (they all met up after the ceremony, with Jisung obviously holding back tears until he couldn’t anymore and he’d burst out crying and whining about how things are going to be so different without Woojin, Chan and Minho, despite the three of them promising to keep in contact, and Minho pointing out that they all still lived in the same area). Hyunjin actually managed to do more than simply scrape by in most of his finals, and even though he’d been initially disappointed by the average marks he got for Algebra, he tries to repeat Seungmin’s words to himself - _see what’s good, instead of the bad_ \- and he manages to actually be proud of the near perfect marks he obtains in all his other courses.

The first day of the break has been spent celebrating - six hours of noraebang courtesy of the graduated seniors. It had been a little rushed, but Felix had a plane ticket back to Australia so they couldn’t postpone it if they wanted everyone to be able to attend.

This is why it surprises Hyunjin to find his friend out and about; he assumed Felix would be doing some last minute packing, or maybe enjoying a nice meal with his host family. Not to mention it’s pretty cold, what with it being the dead of winter - he doesn’t think Felix would be comfortable even though he’s all bundled up in his long, padded jacket.

“Yo!” He calls out, lifting his hand to wave at his friend once the latter looks up and spots him.

Felix smiles and nods in acknowledgment, but he doesn’t say anything, just eding a bit to the side of the bench so he can make room for Hyunjin to sit on.

“Want some?” Hyunjin asks, choosing to stand in front of his friend instead, while offering the extra meat bun he’d just bought. “It’s still warm.”

“Thanks.” Felix looks up and smiles as he takes the food in his hands.

“You aren’t cold here?” Hyunjin asks, faint traces of worry lining his features.

“A little,” Felix admits, his laughter emitting icy puffs of air. “Just kinda needed some time to think, I guess. Going home tomorrow and all. I’ll get enough sun when I’m back down under.”

“Oh. Right.” Hyunjin nods; he often forgets that the seasons are flipped between South Korea and Australia. If he’s to be frank, he hadn’t even really realised that was the case until Felix explained it to him in detail the first time they’d met. He can’t believe it’s been almost a year since then. “Don’t get sick, bro. But I guess I’ll leave you here.”

“Wait—” Felix’s hand shoots out quickly, grabbing Hyunjin by the hem of his jacket. “I’ll walk home with you.”

They fall into step together, walking closely for shared warmth, but they take their time as they walk down the sidewalk, both of them quietly chewing on their warm, pork-filled bread.

“Hey,” Hyunjin gives Felix a sideways glance before he claps one hand on the smaller boy’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss you after you go back to Australia.”

Felix, even with his cheeks filled with meat, gives Hyunjin a bright smile. “Me too, mate.” He pauses, swallowing before he continues. “Might come back actually. I still need to figure things out with my mum first though.”

“Oh!” Surprise is evident on Hyunjin’s face - this is the first time he’s hearing about this.

“Yeah.” Felix laughs at Hyunjin’s surprised reaction. “Haven’t told anyone except Changbin-hyung’s parents though so—” The younger boy smiles mischievously as he places his pointer finger against his lips, a gesture to mean that Hyunjin should shush about this newly shared information.

Hyunjin grins. “That would be nice - it’ll be a good surprise for everyone.”

“I like it here.” Felix’s tone is even and sincere. “I like myself when I’m here. And— I like being around you guys.”

Hyunjin feels a nervous lurch in his stomach, and his gaze turns somewhat wary. “You mean Changbin-hyung?”

What he gets in response is not what Hyunjin was expecting. The flow of the conversation had seemed like it was heading towards a more serious note, so Felix’s low, throaty laughter sounds somewhat out of place.

“I mean everyone,” Felix clarifies. “All of you guys.” And then he stops walking at the end of the street, right before they’re meant to take a turn, and he faces Hyunjin. “As for Changbin-hyung— you take care of him, okay?”

Hyunjin stops and stares back, his lips parted in surprised. “What?” He laughs, nervous. “Hyung takes care of himself.”

Felix laughs some more, loud, free. “Don’t do me dirty, mate. I’m not blind— you’re into each other, and we both know hyung does a better job taking care of others than he does in taking care of himself.”

Sighing, Hyunjin lowers his head in embarrassment. He hadn’t realised he’d been obvious to anyone apart from Seungmin; but then again, somehow it’s no surprise because it’s Felix. “Yeah, uh—” He lifts his head and fixes his stare on the other boy, who gestures at him that they should start walking again. “I guess, yeah— I like hyung. I like hyung a lot, but I don’t think it’s mutual.” As the words leave his tongue, he hears his best friend in his head again - _stop wallowing in a pool of self pity and open your eyes, idiot._

“Nope.” There’s something sure and confident in the way Fellix shakes his head to contradict him. “Pretty sure it’s you.”

“Um—“ Hyunjin purses his lips and looks down at their feet; he wants to ask more but he’s not sure if it’s right to because he’s vaguely aware that Felix is somewhat his rival for Changbin’s affections. “—how?!” He ends up blurting it out anyway, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Look, this entire year I’ve done nothing but study Changbin-hyung, and—” Felix exhales, and gathers his jacket together around his lean frame. “I just know, man. Besides—” He smiles and playfully bumps sideways against Hyunjin. “What’s not to like about you? Except—” He laughs, and this time, it’s Hyunjin who elbows his side. “Except maybe the fact that you’re a lot taller than him, you know?”

Hyunjin’s laughter echoes across the dark, empty street. “Everyone’s taller than him,” he points out.

“Mhm.” Felix waves a mitten covered hand. “Just take care of him, Hyunjin-ah.”

  
  


— # —

  
  


“Hyung.” The way Felix’s arms wrap around Changbin in a tight hug expresses all sorts of emotions from bittersweet longing to extreme gratitude. Changbin feels the weight of it all, and for once he allows himself to return the gesture, his own arms circling around the younger boy. He hopes that he is at least able to convey how much Felix and the last ten or so months have meant to him. If nothing else, having Felix around has allowed him to look more into himself - he’s genuinely grateful for that. “I’ll miss you hyung,” Felix mumbles into his ear and Changbin nods.

“Me too,” he returns. “I’ll miss you too, so don’t be a fucking stranger, yeah? Come back if you can.”

He’s the final goodbye - Felix has already done a go around among their friends, given each one of them hugs and parting words. But this time, as he pulls away from Changbin, he can’t help but notice the way Felix throws Hyunjin a quick glance before smiling at Changbin again.

“Hyung,”  Felix begins again. “Please don’t forget what I said about how I want you to be happy. _Please_ be happy.” He grins and gives Changbin a playful punch on the shoulder. “The person you like—” This time, his voice drops to a soft whisper, and he’s sure that no one else can hear. “He’s a bit slow— I can kinda relate, so I hope you do both of yourselves a favor by telling him how you feel.”

Changbin’s eyes double in size, and his jaw drops. “Aah—” He thinks he’s blushing, not a very common look on himself. Felix, on his part, seems to be enjoying the effect his words appeared to have on him.

“You’re cute, hyung,” Felix says, letting out a sound that can only be described as a _giggle_. “Be happy.”

And then his mother is ushering the Australian boy into their car as his Dad closes the trunk on Felix’s luggage.

“See you all— I’ll video call!” Felix promises, waving at everyone even after he gets into the backseat of the car. A chorus of goodbyes and take cares echo among them even after the car starts to drive away. Only when the car turns the corner and is finally out of sight, that everyone starts to move - they’d all agreed to go visit the local arcade that afternoon so they can let off steam, and appropriately deal with that afternoon’s sad goodbyes.

“Wait a sec—” Changbin realises that he doesn’t have his wallet on him so he gestures for the others to go ahead while he ducks back into his house.

Only—

Only he’s surprised when he realises that Hyunjin has followed him in. “Hyung.” The tall boy is standing awkwardly by the door, looking bashful and hesitant. The expression on his face makes Changbin’s heart do _something_ \- he doesn’t know how to express it with words, but Changbin thinks if he’s allowed, then later he’d try to express it in pictures, maybe.

“What is it?” He asks, walking up to Hyunjin until they’re right in front of each other. He can’t help but chortle, because now he has to look up because they’re far from eye level. “Geez,” he comments, moving his head to compare the top of his head with his. “Remember when I was a good head taller than you?”

That at least seems to help Hyunjin relax, because the younger boy manages a laugh. “No, hyung because that never happened—”

Changbin grins and shrugs his shoulders. “It did in my dreams.”

“Are you—” Hyunjin continues to laugh. “Are you saying you dream about me, hyung?”

And then Changbin realises that this it is - here is chance to do right by Felix, and follow the younger boy’s honest example, but before he can say anything, Hyunjin beats him to it.

“Felix told me I should take care of you.”

“Wait, what—?” Changbin blinks; he hadn’t been expecting this.

“Hyung, I— I like you.”

The words aren’t really surprising because Changbin isn’t completely dumb or clueless or oblivious to his surroundings. Still, something is so surreal about all these confessions suddenly coming his way. He thinks, maybe if he was a lesser man, his ego would be triple it’s normal size by now.

He isn’t able to respond immediately, and before he can, Jisung’s loud, annoying voice cuts through from outside. “YO! WHY ARE THE TWO OF YOU TAKING SO LONG!” He’s both yelling and clanging on the gate, causing Changbin to groan in annoyance.

“FUCK OFF!” He yells back, only to earn laughter from Hyunjin. “I’m going to give that pint-sized freak a good noogie,” he grumbles.

“Hyung, you’re not exactly one to talk about other people’s sizes, you know—”

“Yah!” He snaps at Hyunjin, only when their eyes meet, they both break into unified laughter. “We need to go,” he finally says once they’re both able to calm down. “Or else Jisung’s gonna storm in here.”

Hyunjin nods, but he doesn’t move, nor does he break eye contact.

“But yeah, I guess, before that—” Changbin inhales deeply, and then he musters enough confidence to curve his mouth into a cheeky grin. “I should let you know I feel the same, huh?”

  
  


— # —

  
  


Felix is still waiting to board the plane when his phone lights up with a string of new messages.

 

 

> **spearbin.811:** so u set us up huh  
>  **spearbin.811:**  …  
>  **spearbin.811:**  thank u  
>  **spearbin.811:**  come back soon, kid

 

He laughs at the messages, and a strange feeling settles at the pit of his stomach. It’s confusing - a part of him feels sad and wistful. He can’t help but wish things had worked out for him; and yet, more than that, he’s happy for his friends.

He’s glad to have inspired honesty. That much, at least, he’d given away of himself.

  
  
  


_fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve made it to here, congrats! I hope you enjoyed this piece of work. See you in the next one, hopefully, because I may or may not have at least one more story set in this universe lined up. Ha. Ha. Ha. ;;;


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